The old me.

(Winter formal at our school is 2nd ranking, between homecoming and prom)

Lately, with the school’s winter formal theme announced, tickets being sold, and time running out for early prices, I’ve been thinking about the old me. The old me who would be so awkward about everything and find a reason to dislike a certain person, or something like that.

I think about all the relationships I’ve lost because I got asked by a friend and didn’t want to go with them. I don’t know if that’s exactly my fault for being “true to myself” and “not settling for less/meh”.but I just think of some of the really good friends that I’ve had, that weren’t “dance date material” at the time, that I don’t talk to because they hold a grudge or are bitter, or just don’t care anymore. I don’t know if I really did lead them on, or if I was being a real bitch, or if I was just being true to myself. Is it possible to be true to yourself, and good to yourself, without being a bitch to another person? 

I wonder why the old me was so set on finding the perfect one. Maybe it’s because I just got out of a relationship and didn’t want to “settle for less” or was looking for someone of the same quality. I mean, sure, I didn’t have to date them, but i could have just gone for fun. I wish I could redo that time and tell the old me that you’re not too good for them, or that they really aren’t as derpy as you think they are.

Haha. I don’t know.

I’d like to rebuild those friendships, but I think one reason why I don’t really try is because I don’t expect them to, because I don’t blame them, because I blame myself.

Those were fun times though. Thanks a lot.