You run. You get injured. You ice that wound, let it rest. When it stops hurting, you get back up and run again. Why? Because you love running, and a bump in the road doesn’t change that. Quotes often tell us that when you run and fall, you just stand back up again and keep on going.

That’s the optimist’s view.

But realistically, it’s not like that.

Getting reinjured too many times leaves a permanent scar - a wound, worse than the first time you got it, that never goes away. 

So how do you know when to just give up on running? When you’ve failed and gotten up repeatedly, when do you stop? When do you realize that the injury isn’t going to heal, and that if you want to walk for the rest of your life, it’d be better to just stop?

Blah ):

“You probably promise a lot to yourself.” This is a message someone sent to me. Sometimes people tell me something that I don’t even realize myself. It made me realize that I do make a lot of promises to myself. I make a wrong choice, eventually turn it around, and promise myself not to make the same mistake again.

Recently, I decided to make two choices that I believe will benefit the future, even if it means it may hurt the present. Sometimes when I’m reminded of my choices, I question if I made the right decisions. Doesn’t every one do this? “What if… If only… It might… It’s possible…” We create countless alternate scenarios of how things might have turned out, even if deep down, we understand that the true outcome is inevitable. Yet we torture ourselves with these impossible possibilities, because in some weird, twisted way, it eases us.

And in those impossible scenarios, we create a happy ending for ourselves. At times, we can’t help but be pulled into the belief that maybe things will work out. We sacrifice the few but significant steps to recovery we’ve already lived through, and put our hearts on the line once again to work for that slim possibility, only to have it backfire. When it happens, we realize that there’s no going back. There never was a going back.

It is in these moments of weakness that we must find a way to move forward with our head held high, working towards the better future that is definitely out there for all of us. Even in the darkest of mazes, there is a happy ending that awaits us at the exit. All we have to do is remind ourselves that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that our choices will prove to be correct…eventually. 

These last few weeks have been heavy with decisions. In seven days, I made two choices. In the following weeks, I have attempted to change my decision countless times. Even if I’m still in the mind changing phase, I have to remind myself that what’s done is done. All I can do is wait for the rest of life to unravel. 

As some of you may know, after the disaster hit Japan last year, our school’s Red Cross Club made efforts to raise money to help. I remember that it was such a big deal at first, when it had just hit. Everyone in the school talked about how horrible it was, and how they would want to help if they can. 

Our main fundraiser was in May and not March. As we started to sell vouchers that would benefit Japan, I remember how everyone could care less. They responded with words like “dude, Japan doesn’t need the money” or “I don’t need to help. They probably have the whole world helping them”. I was really disappointed in people’s responses, just because the disaster was two months ago, instead of two days ago. I remember thinking how amazing it was that everyone just moves on with their lives as if nothing happened, completely forgetting the conditions that victims are still living in. I remember seeing a photo that really hit me, and posting it on Facebook. It was a photo of Tokyo tower, a symbol of Japan, with its lights off at night because they needed to save electricity. When I saw that photo, I remembered that just because time has passed doesn’t mean that they’re living happily again. But it seemed like no one understood that.

Since I’m a huge Japan fan and I follow a lot of their social media, I was really affected by the situation there, even though I did not have any relatives, even though I am not from Japan. Today, I watched a news report on the recovery of Japan on a news program called Newsevery, which is hosted by a singer that I like. The episode I watched was a special from November, where he visited various points that were struck the hardest. He had been to those places two times prior to November. They had been following up on the recovery efforts.

That’s when it really struck me. The efforts made by those people are amazing. Though you could clearly see the sadness in their eyes, the exhaustion from the last few months, and their struggles to live on, they were still strong and put on such amazing efforts to recreate their community. 

harrysonhuang:

Haven’t done of these in a while. Only if art was a career that you could find jobs fairly easily.

Rhythm of Love - Plain White T’s

(Winter formal at our school is 2nd ranking, between homecoming and prom)

Lately, with the school’s winter formal theme announced, tickets being sold, and time running out for early prices, I’ve been thinking about the old me. The old me who would be so awkward about everything and find a reason to dislike a certain person, or something like that.

I think about all the relationships I’ve lost because I got asked by a friend and didn’t want to go with them. I don’t know if that’s exactly my fault for being “true to myself” and “not settling for less/meh”.but I just think of some of the really good friends that I’ve had, that weren’t “dance date material” at the time, that I don’t talk to because they hold a grudge or are bitter, or just don’t care anymore. I don’t know if I really did lead them on, or if I was being a real bitch, or if I was just being true to myself. Is it possible to be true to yourself, and good to yourself, without being a bitch to another person? 

I wonder why the old me was so set on finding the perfect one. Maybe it’s because I just got out of a relationship and didn’t want to “settle for less” or was looking for someone of the same quality. I mean, sure, I didn’t have to date them, but i could have just gone for fun. I wish I could redo that time and tell the old me that you’re not too good for them, or that they really aren’t as derpy as you think they are.

Haha. I don’t know.

I’d like to rebuild those friendships, but I think one reason why I don’t really try is because I don’t expect them to, because I don’t blame them, because I blame myself.

Those were fun times though. Thanks a lot.

The wind gods have answered our wishes for more sleep, no school, and more time to do college apps. They have also decided to help procrastinators by cancelling school. Well, except those who don’t have internet. Sucks for them! (:

So I stayed up till 3 last night, making last minute changes to my USC and BU applications, while the internet kept dying on me every 2 minutes. I was determined to finish before I slept though, in case the power completely dies out the next day, or something very stupid happens. I told my mom ahead of time I was going to skip the morning half of school, except I had to go to school at 10, because that’s when Hoague’s class is. He would look down on me for skipping for apps.

I sent in my work, planned to wake up at 8 to shower and do all my homework. Except when my alarm rang, I snoozed it.. until 9..9:30..10..

Oops. Then I decided I would go to school at lunch. Then I realized that having all these truancies would give me saturday school since my mom wasn’t going to lie to excuse me. FML

Then my mom called me and told me to check if school was closed.

IT WAS. THANK YOU WIND GODS.

Best of all worlds.. more sleep, no need to do homework, and more time to do my apps. <3

LIFE IS GOOD.

Lately I’m always thinking about how I don’t have the impression of a senior. I think in these years of high school, I have been so caught up in the present that I forgot to take a few glimpses into the past. I guess I realized that we’re all grown up now. We’re no longer those kids who are pushed to talk to that one boy we like. We’re not the kids who feel the need to be friends with certain people because we are insecure. We’re not the kids who turn away when the movie turns into a kissing scene. 

We’re all grown up now.

We’re now in that awkward stage between being a kid and being an adult. We don’t do adult things, but we don’t do kid things either. We compromise between the two and do teenage things. We are now more confident in ourselves, more sure of our own abilities and no longer feel the need to impress “cool” people. We are young adults applying to college, preparing to step out into the real world where parents are no longer there to remind you to do your homework or eat more fruits.

We’re all grown up. 

In the last couple of years, I’ve had experiences that I never would have thought of having as a kid. In a few years, the things I dream of now will become a part of my daily life. I won’t have to wish for it, hope for it. It’ll become so normal, so ordinary, that I will forget what it was like to be a teenager patiently waiting for it.

We’re no longer kids.

At the same time, that only reminds me how quickly time passes. It reminds me to treasure my youth. Because surely, in a few years, I’ll look back to my high school life and wish to relive the happy-go-lucky days where I didn’t have to worry about work and paying my bills, just as how now I look back and wish to be a kid again, when your responsibilities are to play and make new friends. Surely, one day, I’ll wish for the innocence of a seven year old kid, who doesn’t know the world’s hatred, the world’s loneliness, and the world’s hardships.

I can’t believe we’re all grown up now. Reality has finally caught up with time.

Confessions of an Asian Girl

My mom once asked me if I classified myself as Asian, American, or Asian-American. Surprisingly, I was hesitant to answer, and eventually I ignored her question and went on with what I was doing. However, her sudden interest in what I thought of myself left me puzzled. I am born in Taiwan, but I have lived in America for more than ten years. I receive American education simply because I live here, but once I get home, we speak Mandarin and follow our Asian culture. In addition, most of my pop culture stems from countries all over Asia. Nearly every aspect of my life resulted from the teachings and tradition from where I came from, and it didn’t take long for me to be able to shout with pride that I am indeed Asian.

Growing up surrounded by my Asian family, I’ve always been taught to aim for the best, exceed expectations, and never to be troublesome to others. Following these guidelines, I managed to develop admirable habits that became useful to me later in life. However, due to what I’ve been taught, I was unable to adjust to my surroundings when I moved to America at the age of five. I was never able to eat over at my friend’s house, not allowed to sleep over for unnecessary purposes, and every time I went over to play, I had to bring some sort of gift. No one else did this, they all ate over when it was getting late, and entered houses empty handed. I was the odd one out. This resulted in my belief that the Asian culture was too nitpicky, trying way too hard to please others, much more than it was needed. And I was right.

As I grew up and moved to Temple City, the area where I currently reside in with a high Asian population, I quickly learned that it was my job to aim for the best, if not higher and to exceed expectations, just as it is my job to study and get good grades. Soon, I could not bear to see a B on my report card, and failing a test meant I was a disappointment to my parents and myself, even if it really wasn’t. It seemed as though I had to better than everybody else, that I had to enter the best and the most prestigious school, and that I have to end up with a decent job and earn enough money to have a big house in the future, just so I can apply the same pressure to my kids. The future seemed to be set on a bar so high that just glancing at it made me tremble, deciding to work hard and make it over. Without noticing it, I became a person that could not stand to see myself any less than what I have the potential to be. Although this serves as a great encouragement, it’s also painful to see that the result from my hard and earnest work is not good enough, that there is no longer anything I can do to change it.

Education was not the only view that resulted from this Asian culture. As many families do, my parents began saving for college when I was born. This meant that money is only spent on necessary things - not junk food, eating out when there’s food at home, or gorgeous but unaffordable clothing. This idea of not spending too much money or buying expensive things is something that has incorporated itself into my mind and how I work, blown up much larger than it should be, especially because things in California are so much more expensive compared to our original home, Taiwan. Needless to say, I have a hard time buying the dress I fall in love with due to the price tag that is attached, and there’s no diversity in the food I eat when I’m out, because there is only so many restaurants that sell meals for under five dollars.

In short, having a mix of cultures and beliefs has made it harder for me to relax and be a carefree high school student. But on the plus side, these come with valuable life lessons and results that will definitely show its worth in the long run. Being an Asian put me under a lot of pressure, but it is also shaping me up to be a well liked and successful person.